November 7th, 2009
Where things stand today
At this point, I hold no illusions about the likelihood of ever being allowed a fair chance at entering the full time job market. Near the beginning of my search, I'd already heard the incredible assertion that a 3.7 average (on a 4.0 scale) from a top 20 school, a master's in mathematics with the coursework for a PhD complete (ABD status, with most of the thesis written), and a bachelor's in Physics was not enough to qualify me for an entry level job in Chicago. "We expect at least a 3.9". "And for you to not notice that despite what the demographics look like in every graduate and professional school you've ever encountered, we've managed to assemble an all-Anglo-Saxon staff that's a whole lot less ambiguous in its caucasianness than you, you adorable little halfbreed, and not one of whose members is disabled, unless you count that functional illiteracy you might have picked up on when you tutored one of our vice presidents and a few of our execs last week", would be the next line one might expect at that point. I went back to school and branched out into Electrical Engineering - only to find that with the enthusiastic encouragement of our ex-frat boy C average president, that rug had been yanked out from under me and much of the profession by outsourcing.
Right now, I'm rereading my old books to refresh knowledge that has started to fade from disuse, and am wondering why I bother to do so, given the fact that all I get from Human Resources is a good stonewalling - they don't even bother to send out form rejection letters any more. Aside from the almost infinite amusement I get from encountering willfully clueless neocons who seriously believe that as somebody with cerebral palsy, I'm thrown to the head of the line by affirmative action - you'd think an under 30% employment rate among the disabled would lay that myth to rest - I've had the absolute delight of encountering the supposed advocates for the disabled, who have swallowed the Bush line that training is the cure for all ills. The word seems to be that what we, as handicapped individuals, need to do is get off the drugs and get an education. "Ummm ... you do know that I've been to graduate school, right? In multiple fields? That in fact I was the grader for one of the graduate level courses myself? And that I've actually written computer programs before? So what exactly is a ten week 'training program' that will teach me what 'CPU' means going to do for me, that the earlier preparation hasn't?"
It's like telling an unemployed college graduate to finish Junior High School, but that's how it is - discrimination issues will continue to be "addressed" with retraining. If you wonder how that's supposed to get you past some bratty little bubble gum snapping 19 year old secretary who shreds your resume before your very eyes or a stubborn refusal on management's part to hire the long term unemployed - even those who were rendered long term unemployed by a previous management fad of stubbornly refusing to hire anybody with less than 2-5 years of "relevant work experience" which was followed by the amazing discovery that there was now a shortage of junior professionals - but still no willingness to budge on the "we don't hire the long term unemployed" thing - well, then, that's just unamerican! You're supposed to be a good sport and agree that other people's decisions are your responsibility, and be properly apologetic for having dared to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Absolutely absurd, but it's reality, and so I have no choice but to build it into my plans. The question is, how do I do that?
Poverty, despite the impression that the movies may leave one with, is a socially isolating experience, being disabled makes it more so, and a climate that rules out spending much time outdoors during most of the year really doesn't help. Most hobbies are priced far out of your range, most events are held in out of the way locations you can't afford to travel to, and no matter how tidy and well behaved you may be, as people notice the thrift store ensemble that is your wardrobe, you will encounter social attitudes that will be something out of another century. Consider yourself fortunate if anybody deigns to speak to you, and truly blessed if they manage to keep the condescension subtle.
What do you do? The meeting part, I'm still working on, and I am feeling more than a little thwarted by my circumstances.
... "At this point", as I wrote my post, Tribe (where the first few posts on this blog were originally hosted) went down for a few days, so this post did not get finished. I'll pick it up, later ...